Notice I didn’t say thriving during COVID-19?!!? Definitely over here trying to survive… literally.

As someone who only has a handful of safe foods, my fear of not having access to food is VERY REAL right now… probably the heaviest it’s ever felt in fact…  you can read more about my story here…. and here…

Insert… COVID-19….

Shelves are empty.

I can’t eat processed food.

I can’t eat most meats.

I can’t eat most vegetables.

I can’t have pasta.

I have my handful of safe foods… and that’s it. 

I don’t have alternatives.

So when my food is gone from the shelves, I go hungry. I don’t have a backup plan.

In addition to my extremely limited diet, I have specialty meds that I need that I can’t get from a regular pharmacy.. I am also steroid dependent due to having autonomic dysfunction which leaves me immunosuppressed. Having autonomic dysfunction basically means that I have a chronic condition that affects blood pressure, heart rate, intestines (digestion), vision etc. So because I am on immunosuppressive therapy, I have a higher risk of complications and potentially a more difficult time in trying to overcome an infection, let alone my complex list of severe allergies which GREATLY affects my usage of medication.

Y’all…

I’m just over here trying to survive.

I’m trying to replace my fear with faith…. and I’m trying to replace worry with prayer.

But these are scary times. There’s no denying that, and you’ll never catch me being so ‘positive’ that I overlook reality. That’s just not who I am… I’m the type to find perspective in the pain… to find the message in the mess…

A majority of us in the event and entertainment industry are suffering due to COVID-19… We don’t have a large company to pay us during all of this…. It’s scary. I’m so thankful that so far Chase still has a job that he’s fortunate enough to go to every day. PTL!

I’m not worried about toilet paper, I’ll use towels if I have to – ha! But I am worried about having access to food. I am worried about being able to afford said food.

I’m even more of a germaphobe now than I was before all of this… so legit, don’t touch me. lol!!!

I’m terrified for Chase.. he’s definitely considered high-risk too because of his heart disease… We aren’t quite sure if Ava is considered high-risk due to her Epilepsy, we haven’t gotten solid medical information on her situation… and then more than a handful of my immediate family members are also considered high-risk. It’s scary… and I’m sure you can relate to this as well.

I’m spending my days praying over how I can continue to show up for others in a way that feels helpful… I don’t want to add to the ‘noise’ just to show up… I want it to be intentional…. and I’m also trying to show up for myself. I have been digging into scripture and honoring my mental health as I try to stay above anxiety and fear. It’s hard… but I will show up as many times as it takes to stay in a place of peace… so I’m even more intentional with my ‘quiet time’ every day. Overcoming anxiety and fear isn’t easy… it takes replacing that fear with hope… and continuously handing over our anxieties to God — and NOT snatching them back from Him. I’m working on that last part! I’m the queen of ‘here you go God, I trust you…’ — ‘actually, give that back, I’m worrying about it again’… over and over again – I need to put in more effort to leave it in His hands. He’s got this!

Aside from honoring my mental health, I’m still running my business of course and trying to brainstorm new ways to offset losses and I’m “homeschooling” Ava… we haven’t gotten the ‘formal assignments’ from the school yet so for those interested – here is Ava’s ‘schedule’ until we get the school assignments next week…..

Breakfast
ABCMouse
Epic Reader
Snack
Cosmic Yoga
Clean up/Clean Room
Lunch
Free Time
Writing
Art
Snack
Outside Time or Dance Party
Clean Up
Dinner

You won’t hear me complaining about having Ava home.. I’m so thankful they closed schools, I was actually thinking about NOT sending her if they didn’t make that decision…. It does make running my business a little more ‘difficult’ of course – and she’s constantly asking me for a baby brother or sister to play with (hello, that doesn’t happen over night Ava… or does it LOL) — so I’m constantly trying to keep Ava occupied, stay up to date with the latest news, run my business, and spend time in prayer.

So, I’m over here surviving friends… not claiming to have it all together but trying to show up anyway…

We are all just trying to do the best we can.

I hope you and yours are staying safe and healthy!!!